Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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