Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
