The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
