We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
