he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
