Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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