Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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