Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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