let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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