He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
