So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
