i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
