I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
