my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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