Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
