If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
