You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so let's talk penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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