I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
