If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
