I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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