just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
