The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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