It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
