I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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