i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
