Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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