Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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