Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
