He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
