it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
