Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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