P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
