I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
