I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
