Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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