Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am available for nakedness
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
