he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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