I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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