worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
