You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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