Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
