I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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