a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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