there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
