I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
