Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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