Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
