he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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