i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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