I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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