That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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