yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
