I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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