She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
